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The new Merv story - Merv Vs the cheese
one day whilst eating my dinner
my potato started wobbling and vibrating
and yelping and yodelling and warbling
then it peeled its skin off and revealed that it was in fact a lump of cheese
a lump of cheese with a little head
it growled at me and said
"oi you i am a piece of cheese
i'm not a carrot i'm not a newt
i've come to bash your bonce with ease
i was once that bolognaise substitute!"
the realisation came to me in a fit of aghastness
that the fire fighting fish entity had cunningly
and most unrealistically transformed itself into a cheesy potato
in a sneaky plan to get revenge!
just then the cheese exploded and out popped a horde of jaffa cakes
"do not mistake us for small pizzas!" they maniacally screamed at me
and they proceeded to bludgeon my bonce with their little pickaxes
and throw underhandedly gormless rotundedly painted vegetables at my window garden
this puzzled me
i was mightily confused at this surreal activity
so i ran
i fled
i burgered off
i ran to the next room where i was grabbed by a large amount
of hedgerow guzzling three headed nuclear powered dung beetles
who started picketing around me in protest of my radiation producing hair dye
just then i heard a knock at my door
my pet leper answered it
and a masked ignoramus granny walked in and started knitting
knitting my pet leper a willy warmer
even though its genitals had fallen off
i had had enough
and to sort out my unwelcome house inhabitants
i wrote a letter to the council
so they moved into the house next door
once more my life was back to normal
so i settled down to lunch
and let my exasperatedly panting pasta dishes
bungee jump down my oesophagus and prod my tonsils with a vanilla milkshake
and all was peachy again
the end
